Limbo

I feel like I've been in limbo for sometime. Crohn's has severely diminished my social life. Feeling so disgusting daily makes it so un-motivating to leave the house or to go out. With swollen joints and constant pain, I don't want to leave my bed, much less get dressed up and go out. What makes it even worse is that most of my friends like to go out to eat or drink. Most people say oh you don't have to eat or you don't have to drink just come out. Well that's fun once in a while but for the most part it's so extremely frustrating. Part of it is jealousy for I want to eat and drink as normal and another part is frustration. It's not fun sitting around sober being with a group of hammered friends, constantly being the responsible one, the designated driver, the puke clever upper or the one who listens to beer tears. It blows after a while.

Even when bars and food aren't involved, Crohns ruins most things. Take sporting events which I love. Typically when I leave the house I make a mental notion of where all restrooms are. Sporting events typically have disgusting bathrooms, and with how I've been, I tend to spend more time in the bathroom then not and I end up missing half the game.

I've put dating on a way back burner for now. Casual dates are even worse. Crohns is a disgusting disease plain and simple. Like oh hey I have this problem where I can't control my body functions, need to stay within 15 feet of a bathroom and may puke on you at any time. The whole swollen joints, and thinning hair really make the whole package. Crohns in someone has taken away my dignity. I have had bathroom accidents at the age of 24. How am I supposed to explain to a guy on the first date my numerous bathroom trips and how some days all I can manage is baby food. I'm afraid to be intimate because of my constant pain in my stomach and intestines, and my lack of control of my bowels haha god that sounds just gross.

At the same time I feel like i am wasting away what's supposed to be the best time of my life, searching for an answer and for relief.

I don't even know where to start or what to do next. All I know is that soon I will be healthy. I cannot continue to let this disease over take my life.