running

In high school, I started running track freshman year. It was mostly to stay in shape for soccer, but after my TBI sophomore year, it became my year round obsession. The only issue, was that I refused to run anything longer than 2 miles. I was a sprinter, queen of the 200m. Somewhere in senior year, I started to run the 400m hurdles after it was noticed that I some sort of endurance. I still skated my way through, somehow always managing to get out of the 3 and 5 miler days.

Somewhere in college, I started used to use the treadmill. I went to college in West Philadelphia. At the time, I was a naive beach girl, who didn't exactly feel safe running through the streets of West Philly at 10pm (I loveeeed going to the gym late). I realized that I could run 3 miles. Heck I even did 15 miles a couple of times. I soon began running longer distances, and finished my first half marathon my senior year of college.

Running, is my therapy. After five years of neuropsychological therapy, and talking to my fair share of psychologists, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists, I was therapied out. I still see a psychiatrist for my anxiety medications, but I get nothing out of seeing a therapist/psychologist. My anxiety, PTSD, and depression are here to stay. For the most part, they are under control. The past few weeks I've had a resurgence due to the AIH and Crohn's flares, but I've been managing. When I was  first diagnosed with Crohn's three years ago, I found running to be so therapeutic. I can lose myself in the music, in the miles (I have a terrible habit of not realizing how far I've run), and have a total mental vacation.

Unfortunately Crohn's and now AIH have interfered with my running. I have lost track of how many races I've had to pull out of. I've broken my leg after being on steroids long term, from running, and my joints lately have been screaming in pain once I hit 3 miles. I've pulled out of runs due to surgery (this year, the Broad Street Ten Miler, the Nike Woman's Half Marathon in DC, the Odyssey Half Marathon in Philly), due to being so dehydrated, and just plain sick.

It's hard finding the right balance. My mind needs me to run. My body, on the other hand, does not want me to run whatsoever. While I love classes at the gym, such as Yoga, or Body Pump or spinning, I do not get the same relief, or "runner's high". The only thing that can come semi-close has been swimming. Unfortunately my current gym does not have a pool, and at this point, I really don't want to switch for numerous reasons. I have been doing my best to listen to my body. After my gallbladder surgery, I could not run for 6 weeks, and I'm at week 7. I have been running this past week, but have limited it to maximum three days a week, and three to five miles each run. I'm going to try to keep to that schedule, and add in other workouts.

My body is not what is used to be. Though I'm 25, well a month from 26, my body is far from that of a healthy 25 year old. I have to remember this, and try my best not to overdo it, since I'm fantastic at being overly ambitious. I have the tendency to over do it, to push my body to its limits and then some. I'm going to try my best..