Liver Biopsy Results and Feeling Angry

Not good. So not good.

So my hepatologist and I were waiting for specialty staining to be completed on my liver biopsy done on 5/13. Preliminary results showed Autoimmune Hepatitis, which along with my clinical signs and symptoms landed me my diagnosis. I received a copy of my pathology results because my hospital has a nifty patient portal.

I had an original liver biopsy done 4/16, when I had my gallbladder removed laparoscopically. I had received a copy of those pathology results from my surgeon and brought that to my new GI, and then to my hepatologist. The results were limited to two sentences, noticing severe inflammation, but that was about it. The report I received today, is a massive paragraph. Previously, we thought that I had mild fibrosis, and moderate hepatitis (inflammation of the liver).

It's way worse then I imagined, but want to wait until I speak to my hepatologist next Tuesday about it. I also had blood work done yesterday, and I'm anxious to see how my LFTs have been, now that I tapered down to 20mgs of prednisone. Things that worry me: low grade fever is still hanging around, my urine is getting darker, I have lost my appetite again, and so sore.  My body is in the midst of a war at this point... I don't necessarily know if I am imagining my liver get worse, or if  I'm being overly aware of my symptoms. It's also been difficult since my Crohn's is really misbehaving, and some of the symptoms overlap, like loss of appetite, pain and fever. The urine thing has me a bit worried, for it hasn't been this dark since my hospital stay. So gross, I realize, but in terms of liver and gastro diseases, I'm used to being overly aware of what my body excretes.

I'm 25 years old. Seeing phrases like severe hepatitis and cell necrosis are not exactly comforting. Again, besides feeling a bit deflated, I also feel quite angry. I guess I'm fully at Stage 2 of Grief: Anger. This is a pretty decent explanation I found:
-As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family.  Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

I haven't reached Stage 3 yet, which is Bargaining. I'm not done being angry yet.