What's in a name

I've been contemplating changing the name of my blog for the past few weeks. Part of me believes it is a bit too "ironic", and a lot too cliche. For now it's staying. It fits so perfectly. With both Crohn's disease, and with Traumatic Brain injuries, uncertainty are the only constants. There is a popular phrase amongst docs that no two brain injuries are a like. Just like with Crohn's, there is no perfect etiology, no predictably. In both illnesses, doctors have only breached the surface of understanding how the body heals, reacts, injures. I've spent a great deal of time being frustrated. Frustrated because there is not a natural course of progression. Frustrated because there are very few answers. I worry about what the future holds... will I eventually progress to having fistulas/abscesses? Will I eventually suffer from early dementia? How will my body handle pregnancy and child birth, for it is under enough stress just surviving day to day.

It is very true that everyone's lives are unpredictable, uncertain to an extent. Being majorly type-A, I find myself clawing to predictability, to planning ahead. Many diseases and illnesses are understood, researched and much more predictable. With having the combination of two very serious health issues, I feel that no matter how hard I try to plan,  my body revolts. Everyday life brings a new challenge, a new WTF moment. Sure this is consistent amongst healthy and not so healthy individuals, but the magnitude is so different. While "healthy" friends and co-workers may come down with a cold or the flu, I end up having a cold, and finding out incidentally that my liver is now functioning. Last fall, I had a sports related injury, and while getting a physical therapy evaluation, I find out that on top of the injury, I am starting to have neuromuscular contracture issues, and nerve death in my legs due to my brain injury.

I have tried stopping my search for certainty and predictability. I barely have enough time to try and control those times, and the fallout of my body being so complicated. Instead I have been trying to focus on the baby steps of life, and what I can control.