Breaking Point

The past three months have been hell. Looking back, I spent a decent part of 2013 in remission. Since  October 2013, I've been in one long flare up. I did have a month where I was feeling okay (mid February to early March), but besides that, my health has been shit (obviously). 

Constant pain and feeling like crap ages you. It wears you down, and sucks the life out of you. For the past three months, I've run a constant 99-101 degree fever. I feel always on the verge on getting sick, that my body is fighting a cold. In truth, it's simply fighting itself. I really hate complaining, but this is a miserable way to live. I've had my favorite foods, drinks, and activities (running, working out) taken away from me. Eating has become a chore, and almost fear inducing. Throughout the past ten years, post TBI, I have been so optimistic, so positive with whatever life handed me. At this point, I'm struggling. I hate living doctors appointment to appointment, hoping that the next treatment will lead to remission, or at least some form of relief. 

Most of all, I want my life back. I want to be able to go out and run 5 miles, and celebrate with an ice cold beer. I want to have the energy to go out with friends, to be able to eat out without fear of having an accident or end up in the bathroom all night. Again, I HATE complaining, but we all reach our breaking points eventually.